Threesome 101: How to Have a Sexy, Healthy Three Way

Threesomes aren’t just the male fantasy that society makes them out to be. There are plenty of reasons a woman would also want a threesome, and you should be encouraged to explore that territory if it’s something that turns you on. 

Whether you’re a committed couple looking for a third, looking to join an existing couple in a threesome as their unicorn, looking to invite a third into your relationship, or just trying it out amongst friends, it’s easier to have a threesome than you’d think. 

Sure, there can be planning involved. It’s rarely the wordless kissing of a tangle of strangers and then waking up the next morning as if nothing happened we see in movies! You’ve got to talk it out and make sure everyone’s on board – sleeping on the decision is never a bad idea.

Communication is always key when it comes to opening your relationship, even a little bit.

Should You Have a Threesome?

Sexual exploration can be one of the most freeing feelings there is. When you’re in a monogamous relationship, sometimes it feels difficult to express yourself in new ways, sexually. You can try new positions, new places, and add sex toys, sure. But adding another person?

How do you know if your relationship can handle that?

Well, you don’t (until you have the conversation). But inherently, you know if you have the kind of relationship that can be this open. 

You have to decide, together, if this is a one-time thing or something you want to pursue on a regular basis. It’s okay to say you want to dip your toes in the pool first before committing to doing it more than once!

Don’t Pressure – Or Be Pressured – to Have a Threesome

If you’re bringing this up to your partner for the first time, make sure to do it in a non-pressuring way. Perhaps subtly introduce the idea and see how they feel. It has to be something you both fully want to do. If there is any hesitation from either side, your relationship might not be ready. 

Maybe your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend wants a threesome and you’re unsure. Make sure to do extensive thinking (on your own) about the topic – it’s easy to get caught up in what your partner wants when you might not be very open to the idea. 

If your partner is pushy or strongly arguing the subject, don’t let this push you into having a threesome. It could easily end badly. Threesome regret can damage relationships, especially if one partner was pressured to accept the idea. 

Also, it’s easy to talk about doing something, but it’s more difficult to actually do it. There’s nothing wrong with having a sexy threesome fantasy, then getting down to business only to find, it’s not for you. 

Stay Open Minded

Also, going into any new venture with a rigid mindset of how things should be is a killer. Sure, boundaries are important, but keep an open mind as well. And don’t beat yourself up if things don’t go as planned, especially during your first threesome. 

How to Find Threesome Partners

There are a lot of options when it comes to finding a partner (or partners) for a threesome. Depending on whether you’re a couple or going solo, dating apps provide a great platform for finding what you’re looking for.

The key is being honest and open up front about what you’re seeking. Be sure to list yourself appropriately! There’s nothing worse than saying you’re a single female, when you’re really a couple. The majority of people won’t respond well to this. Remember, other people are out there looking, too. Being honest up front saves time and drama.

If you’re partnered, you need to discuss exactly what you’re seeking with your significant other. Crafting your profile together is a wonderful way to figure out the basics of what you’re looking for. There’s no need to sweat it – make it a fun activity! This is supposed to be a sexy encounter, not work.

Take the time to snap new photos together while you’re at it. Providing current photos shows your potential new friend you’re serious about being real.

Threesome with Friends – Yes or No?

What about friends? You may have a friend you know would be a good fit for yourself (or you and a partner) when it comes to trying a threesome. It makes sense, right? You know one another already, so there won’t be any awkwardness.

Well…

The potential awkwardness of introducing sex into a friendship is still there. But, if you have the kind of friendship where you’re already open enough to talk about sex, this can be a great way to have a threesome without some of the fears attached to meeting strangers.

The most important thing to keep in mind is preserving your friendship at all costs. No amount of sexual pleasure is worth ruining a great friendship. Here’s where communication comes in again. Talk to your friend as extensively as you do your partner. Be sure to lay out your expectations going in.

One of the most fulfilling and sensual threesomes I’ve ever had was with my husband and my best friend. Neither she or my husband had ever had a threesome before, so I was the veteran in the situation. I knew I could trust her to respect our boundaries and keep our friendship the same after we had sex.

We talked extensively about what we all wanted, in a group text, for about two weeks before we ever got together. This may seem like a long time, but it was vital to us all that our friendships and relationship not change over having a sexual experience.

And it was hot! We shared naughty photos with one another, talked about the things we’d love to do together, and swapped masturbation clips. By the time we were able to correlate our schedules, we were ripping each other’s clothes off!

The Importance of Communication

Within every relationship, there are inherent boundaries and rules. When you’re adding a new partner or friend for your first threesome, it’s important to know ahead of time what is and isn’t going to be okay. 

Even if you’re going solo, you’re bound to have limits. Be realistic with yourself and your new friends about what you’re willing to engage in beforehand. 

Oftentimes, threesomes are more about fun and excitement than they are entering into a romantic relationship. So, people tend to shy away from what they consider more intimate circumstances. Kissing is sometimes a no-no, so make sure you are clear up front about your limits and the limits of your mates. 

Threesomes don’t have to include penetrative sex. Being honest, they don’t have to include anything you don’t want them to, it’s up to each individual involved. As long as the encounter is safe, sane, and consensual, the sky’s the limit.

What’s important is communicating openly and respecting everyone’s boundaries.

Threesome Tips 

If you’ve officially decided to have your first threesome, here are a few tips to make the experience great. 

• Be open to trying new things.

• Have extra condoms on hand, even if it’s just one guy and two women. This is handy for switching condoms if you’ve got two women and also for covering up and easy sex toy cleanup.

• Invest in good lube. There’s nothing wrong with needing it and you’ll be sad if you don’t have it!

• Put a towel down, just in case.

• Offer your threesome buddies a drink and a snack because it’s polite. It’s even more polite to talk ahead of time and ask what they enjoy!

• Always have bottled water available. Sex is a sport and you never want to be dehydrated!

• Music helps to set the mood.

• Don’t spend too much time spiraling in advance over who is doing what and what goes where. It’s not a group project and you are not getting graded on participation.

• That said, if there are hot ideas you’ve been too timid to try before or positions you’ve been saving for a rainy day, throw them in now! You’re already doing something outside your comfort zone, so give yourself the freedom to lean all the way out.

• Do not make your poor unicorn your couples therapist.

What Makes a Great Threesome?

Sex is great and a big part of having a threesome, but what really makes a threesome great are the people involved. The more open minded you are, the more fun you’re likely to have. You don’t have to go into this with no limits to have a blast. But remember, this is supposed to be fun! 

Don’t stress yourself out trying to be perfect. No one looks like a porn star in real life when they’re having a good time. Sex is messy, it’s silly, and if you’re doing it right, you’re going to be a hot mess when it’s all said and done. 

There’s so much pressure placed on men and women from society to perform to a certain standard and it’s ridiculous. Throw that drama out the window and be yourself. You’ll have more fun and your new friend(s) will appreciate it.

In the end, the world is your oyster when it comes to having a threesome. You can’t go wrong as long as you talk about it before it happens, respect everyone involved, and most of all, relax and enjoy the ride.